you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
