Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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