forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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