It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
