First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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