My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
