Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize