We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize