I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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