omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
