he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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