He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
