Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
