rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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