i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
