Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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