i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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