hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
