Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
