I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
