I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
