Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
