office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
