I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
