I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize