Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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