He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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