Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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