when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
