Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
third nipple confirmed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
