The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
