I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize