Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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