you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
