She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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