i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
