she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
