Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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