i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
