Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
