Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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