i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
