real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
