my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
