don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize