Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
