I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
