I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
