waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
