i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize