we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
