He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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