Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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