well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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