I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
