Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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