@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
