please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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