Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is classic penis vs brain.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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