Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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