He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
