Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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