yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
