I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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