11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
