Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
