There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
