I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
