i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize