Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
