i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
