If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
