my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
