i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
