Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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