i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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