Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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