Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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