I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
