Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize