First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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