I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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