Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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