i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
