So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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