No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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