I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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