woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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