First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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