You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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