were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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