Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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