You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
