That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
